more stuff

So i really wish we could just be friends again. I miss you. I understand why you're mad, but to honest I don't feel like I deserve it. Every tells me I shouldn't confront you about it but I feel like I have to. I don't know if it will make things better or worse. I really miss you. I hate how this is making other people feel also. It makes things awkward for everyone and people feel they have to chose a side. But that's the last thing I would ever want to happen. I like being a big happy group. I really wish you would just tell me what you wanted me to do, aside from that. Well I'm at a loss.

It's kind of funny how holding onto a grudge, like a typical girl would do, is helping me get over you. Sometimes I wonder if I really am in love with you or not? Because can you love someone and have strong feelings for someone else too? I'd love to hate you. But I just can't say no to you. I would do anything for you...ANYTHING. I was actually talking about this to a few friends earlier today. It's hard to say no to the person you love. Even if they aren't good for you. What sucks is I already have a hard time saying no in general. OR standing up for myself in general and not letting myself be taken advantage of. But it's soo hard to tell if you are using me or you genuinely care about me. But after what happened a few days ago..I'm sure you don't really care about me. It's all an act. Well Coke Venodr thinks I have a nice butt. Guess i'll just have to hope that leads to something good. haha

well goodnight.

I think you're the only one who reads this Krissy haha..so goodnight to you :)

...

So here is the story: I'm 16 and working at Mcdonalds. I start talking to the manager a lot more since we always worked nights together. Main problem is he is older than me... So I go on with my little girl crush, knowing he would never have any interest in me. Until one day he asks me out..I was so happy. My parentals had no idea about him obviously. So me and him have a grand ol time on our date and I'm pretty much in love haha. this was before i was boy crazy btw. He was the first guy I "fell in love" with... So the downfall comes a few days after our date. My parents find out and get really upset and blah blah blah. I quit Mcdonalds and never see him again. It took a long time to actually stop crying over him..and me becoming boy crazy was a way of helping me get him out of my mind.

Earlier Tonight: So my Aunt still works at Mcdonalds...and we had to stop by and pick up some coupons. While we were driving in the parking lot I noticed his car was there. But i thought to myself it couldn't be him because my aunt would have said something. So we walk in and there he is...his back turned getting the food. My heart was pounding soo HARD. And when he saw me he didn't even say anything. So i just pretended like nothing ever happened and I forgot all about him. My aunt starts talking to another manager and HE joins the conversation. The whole time I'm just smiling like an idiot. While my aunt talks to the other guy I just kind of look off in the distance and HE finally says to me, "hi trini...how are you? I literally couldn't speak until my Aunt nudged me. So we start making small talk..blah blah blah. and he mentions how he knew I worked at Stater Bros.(which I have no idea how he knows that). Then he asked me If i was still in high school. Finally we decide to leave..even though I didn't want to go. I could feel how red I turned when I was talking..and when i had to say goodbye.

Now: I still haven't forgotten him. Ugh! I wish we could see each other again. I miss him soo much. :( and he looked soo good too. that didn't help at all...haha. I have a lot of mixed feelings going on right now. O boy...