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So since I don't advertise my blogger very much, I'm hoping no one reads it lol.
I have this dillema. I have a few close friends but not really a BEST friend. I'm not looking for a BEST friend or anything because the friends I have now are great. Kim is pretty much my best friend in the whole wide world. The only thing is she's family, so it makes it weird talking to her about certain things. But lately i tell her absolutely everything. Ever since we moved into the same room together we have our little chats. We'll both lay down on my bed and talk about our day. We don't get to see each other much because of our schedule so these talks usually last for a really long time.

I have another dillema. I have this one friend whom I've become very close with in a very short period of time. She really makes me happy and brightens up my day. She always makes me feel loved and wanted. I really had the wrong impression of her at first. But carrying on with my dillema. She shares a lot of her feelings and secrets with me and I wish I could do the same in return. It honestly pains me not to tell her the real reasons I'm crying. Or how much I can relate to her situation. So should I risk telling her my big secret and hope she doesn't see me any different than the way she does know. Or always have this pain in my heart knowing we can never become closer friends becuase I can't tell her everything. in case by some chance you see this the secret isn't that bad..well it is. but it won't affect you directly so don't worry about that. Somebody tell me what to do. Right now isn't the time to tell you. i have a few good friends who are helping me through this. sadly one has given up on me already and I hope the other two don't give up on me either. But if this friendship is a real one, and we are friends till death do us part, lol, I want to tell you. Maybe when he's out of our lives for good...which secretly i hope that day never comes.

I was recently given an offer to go to MT. SAC with a good friend of mine. He says i need to do this for myself. To get away from HIM. I'm going to put serious thought and consideration into it. I don't want to leave Citrus. I see how hard it is on my friend, and I'm not nearly as strong as her. if she's having a hard time..i know i wouldn't survive. But im also afraid that if i don't go I may never see furby again. He's like a big brother to me now. I care for him a lot. He takes care of me too, and I know that when I do have to leave Citrus, going with furby would probably make the transition easier than anyone else would.

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So i really wish we could just be friends again. I miss you. I understand why you're mad, but to honest I don't feel like I deserve it. Every tells me I shouldn't confront you about it but I feel like I have to. I don't know if it will make things better or worse. I really miss you. I hate how this is making other people feel also. It makes things awkward for everyone and people feel they have to chose a side. But that's the last thing I would ever want to happen. I like being a big happy group. I really wish you would just tell me what you wanted me to do, aside from that. Well I'm at a loss.

It's kind of funny how holding onto a grudge, like a typical girl would do, is helping me get over you. Sometimes I wonder if I really am in love with you or not? Because can you love someone and have strong feelings for someone else too? I'd love to hate you. But I just can't say no to you. I would do anything for you...ANYTHING. I was actually talking about this to a few friends earlier today. It's hard to say no to the person you love. Even if they aren't good for you. What sucks is I already have a hard time saying no in general. OR standing up for myself in general and not letting myself be taken advantage of. But it's soo hard to tell if you are using me or you genuinely care about me. But after what happened a few days ago..I'm sure you don't really care about me. It's all an act. Well Coke Venodr thinks I have a nice butt. Guess i'll just have to hope that leads to something good. haha

well goodnight.

I think you're the only one who reads this Krissy haha..so goodnight to you :)

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So here is the story: I'm 16 and working at Mcdonalds. I start talking to the manager a lot more since we always worked nights together. Main problem is he is older than me... So I go on with my little girl crush, knowing he would never have any interest in me. Until one day he asks me out..I was so happy. My parentals had no idea about him obviously. So me and him have a grand ol time on our date and I'm pretty much in love haha. this was before i was boy crazy btw. He was the first guy I "fell in love" with... So the downfall comes a few days after our date. My parents find out and get really upset and blah blah blah. I quit Mcdonalds and never see him again. It took a long time to actually stop crying over him..and me becoming boy crazy was a way of helping me get him out of my mind.

Earlier Tonight: So my Aunt still works at Mcdonalds...and we had to stop by and pick up some coupons. While we were driving in the parking lot I noticed his car was there. But i thought to myself it couldn't be him because my aunt would have said something. So we walk in and there he is...his back turned getting the food. My heart was pounding soo HARD. And when he saw me he didn't even say anything. So i just pretended like nothing ever happened and I forgot all about him. My aunt starts talking to another manager and HE joins the conversation. The whole time I'm just smiling like an idiot. While my aunt talks to the other guy I just kind of look off in the distance and HE finally says to me, "hi trini...how are you? I literally couldn't speak until my Aunt nudged me. So we start making small talk..blah blah blah. and he mentions how he knew I worked at Stater Bros.(which I have no idea how he knows that). Then he asked me If i was still in high school. Finally we decide to leave..even though I didn't want to go. I could feel how red I turned when I was talking..and when i had to say goodbye.

Now: I still haven't forgotten him. Ugh! I wish we could see each other again. I miss him soo much. :( and he looked soo good too. that didn't help at all...haha. I have a lot of mixed feelings going on right now. O boy...